I am recovering from some shocking news one of my coworkers told me about five minutes ago. Hayley and Lindsey, brace yourselves: The Red Barn is becoming a strip joint.

The Red Barn is the tavern in Goehner where, as a child, I ordered many plates of grilled cheese and fries, which I washed down with a Shirley Temple. It's also the place where farmers stop for lunch, order an evening beer, and play cards. Dad has been a regular customer for at least 30 years. It's not an upscale place by any means, but the jukebox, the beer posters, and the red toilet seat in the ladies' room look downright classy compared to a stage filled with exotic dancers.