The nice thing about our pregnancy being mostly a secret is that we haven't been bombarded with well-intended (yet annoying) unsolicited advice yet.
This ignorance-is-bliss period is soon coming to an end, however. That became oh-so-clear today when I told my great-aunt Nancy that I was pregnant. One of the first questions out of her mouth was whether I would continue working. I said that I planned to, and her response was, "Oh, these days nobody wants to take care of their kids!" [Insert uncomfortable laugh.]
W.T.F. If I considered the source and took this at face value, I could roll my eyes and move on with my day. Aunt Nancy is not known for having great tact. To say that she's fairly ignorant about the world in general is a gross understatement. (Just ask Hayley about what happened when she told Aunt Nancy about her Costa Rica trip.)
It wouldn't bother me much, except that I know there are other people in my life (whose opinions I actually care about) who feel the same way. At least two of my friends are fully on the stay-at-home-mom track, which I think is great. They've always wanted to be SAHMs and will probably do a fabulous job. However, both of them make remarks to justify their choices, like, "Well, I just don’t want anybody else raising my kids." The great irony is that one is a teacher, and the other was a nanny until she gave birth 5 days ago. Do they really think they're "raising" other people's kids?
If you operate under the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" mentality, yes, nannies, teachers, babysitters, and nice little church ladies definitely play a role in raising children. But surely we can all agree that parents have the greatest influence on their children, regardless of their employment status. Right?
I know really need to get over feeling slighted by those comments because Lord knows I'll hear plenty more for the next 20 years of my life. I guess I'm a little sensitive because it makes me feel like the people closest to me already think I'm unfit to be a mother. Does leaving Baby Washburn in someone else's care make me a little nervous, and even a little bit sad? Yes, it does. But I still believe that having two breadwinners is a better situation for our family, and you better believe that anyone caring for Baby W. will be carefully evaluated.
Venting makes me feel better already. I need to either a) grow a thicker skin, or b) become very comfortable telling people to STFU. ;)
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3 comments:
Absolutely do NOT feel bad about choosing to use child care. In my opinion, there are a lot of SAHMs that say things like that to justify their own lives. Don't get me wrong - I loved that I was raised by my mother at home. But I believe it led to some of my social awkwardness (why make friends when mom is always there?). When I (eventually) have kids, they will not be raised solely by me.
And while we're on this topic, I'm not a fan of parents using the grandparents or other family as free childcare. That's when a strange dynamic is created between parent and child. Because that other family member assumes "family rights" more than a generic provider would. A cousin on my mom's side of the family has a slightly messed up first child - confused by too many people "attempting" to discipline.
Ashley, be proud of your education and career. You will raise a compassionate, independent, morally-sound child. It's what you do with your time with that child that will really matter, not those few hours without.
Julie, I absolutely agree. I believe it's important for kids to get a good deal of socialization while they're young. I don't feel like I had enough of this, either. We won't love every social influence that our kids encounter at daycare, but I still have faith that we can teach the kidlets right from wrong.
I have mixed feelings about grandparent-provided daycare. It seems like it's worked out well for the Dvoraks, but the situation you described isn't unusual, either. I think it's one of those things that can be amazing or a total trainwreck for everyone, depending on the family dynamics.
I don't think it's fair to expect family members to provide long-term childcare without any compensation in return, though. It almost seems greedy.
Girl, I'd be trippin' too! That's partially because last night I had a dream that I was my friend Nichole's serrogate. WTF??? I don't even want to be impregnated!! Aside from the fact that you worked your butt off to get an education and score a sweet career, I think it is beneficial to have exposure outside the home with other authority figures. That doesn't mean someone else will take over your "parent" role, but it is important for children to learn other rules and interaction.
And, from a health perspective, if you want your child to get early active immunity put them in a daycare setting. Even though it will cramp your work style for the first year or two, it will help them become healthier and stronger in the long run.
Schnookie, you and Andy are level headed people in every area of your life and I have no doubt that it will be any different with your little family! Head up, Nancy is ignorant and your two friends are special snowflakes. To each is own!
And P.S.- you won't be the parent that drops them off at 5:30 and picks them up at 6:30 and takes them home to bed. Those are bad parents.
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