Dear Beloved Teva Flip-Flops,
We’ve been together for one year now. Last summer, we spent many days together running around town doing errands, at the lake, and just chilling out. I thought you were The One. As far as sport flips go, you’re pretty cute. You were comfortable to walk in, and I didn’t have to curl my toes into unnatural positions to keep you from falling off my feet.
Summer is coming again, and naturally, I thought our relationship would continue. But we had a rough day together Saturday, bad enough that I’m questioning whether we have a future together. We hooked up at 9 a.m. for 10 hours of walking through the Farmer’s Market, Valentino’s and the Parade of Homes. At one point, I bragged to my mom about how wonderful you were and how lucky I was to have found you.
But when I got out of bed Sunday morning, I could barely walk. A cramping, throbbing pain shot through the outer edge of my left foot, and I spent the entire day gasping owowowowowow every time I walked up and down a staircase. A co-worker asked me this morning why I’m limping. I made up some excuse about exercise because I was too ashamed to tell her that I injured myself hanging out with you.
I'm ticked off and confused, Teva. Are you mad at me because I occasionally have flings with another pair of flip flops? (I've been with them longer, but they don’t make me feel the way you do, I swear.) Perhaps it’s asking a bit much to expect a half-inch piece of foam to adequately protect my feet from the elements, but I thought if anyone could do it, you could.
The future of our relationship isn't looking good, Teva. The way I look at it, these are our options:
- Our dates will be brief—no longer than four hours—and I will wear sensible shoes for longer outings.
- I accept that our relationship has run its course and I dump you for your younger, better-cushioned brother.
- I accept that my days of wearing flip flops are over, and I settle for something more reliable, like Birkenstocks.
10 comments:
Teva has been treating me rough as well. Did you realize they don't float? I found out the hard way a few days ago when my sailboat capsized. The right one is at the bottom of the lake. Luckily Mary picked me up so I didn't have to walk home.
Ashley, Birkenstocks? If you do that I swear I won't walk with you in public.
Don't worry, Schnookums. I will wear Birks only if everything else fails me. In the meantime, how do I treat my very sore foot?
what's wrong with birkenstocks? i don't own any, but i've never heard bad stuff about them.
Around here, the only people who wear Birks are middle-aged women. I don't think they're horrible, but I know they offend Hayley's fashion sensibilities. :)
not only do middle aged women wear them, but apparently, many lesbians wear them too (according to someone i know who worked in a shoe department for a long time). oh, and our pastor wears them. think about it, ashley.
p.s. sorry if this posted twice. i didn't think it did the first time.
LOL and that's why I don't allow Birkenstocks. I used to wear them when I was young and they really were comfortable. But now, for me to wear them is unacceptable.
Ashley, for foot pain I recommend taking a bit of Tylenol and making, I mean asking, Andy to rub your feet with some peppermint scrub and cream. If you're interested I'll let you borrow mine :)
Ooookay. So neither of my sisters will be seen with me if I wear Birks. ;)
I think my problem goes beyond needing peppermint scrub and foot cream. Andy and I went on a walk last night, and I only made it about 5-6 blocks. Horrible! I biked a few miles instead. I figure that might be the best way to maintain my fitness level for now.
I'm very concerned that this stupid, absolutely ridiculous injury might stop me from doing the charity run June 9. :(
NO! Do you have shin splints Schnookie? Maybe you should get it checked out. We are hard core and you are a vital part of our team.
It's not shin splints. My foot seems to be slightly better today. I walked from Othmer to Kimball Recital Hall and back without screaming in pain, so maybe I'm on the mend.
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