This is the long-awaited APPLICATION TO DATE HAYLEY. Feel free to modify it for your own purposes.

If you answer yes to any of the following, please cease applying for the position of Hayley’s boyfriend.
1. Are you a cowboy?
2. Do you hit on younger girls because you think they’re easily manipulated?
3. Do you Febreeze your jeans instead of washing them?
4. Do you average more than one parking ticket or motor vehicle violation annually?
5. Have you been sexually intimate with anyone who wasn’t a serious girlfriend at the time of said sexual act?
If you answered no to all of the above, proceed.

Where would you take Hayley on your first date?
a) To a baseball game
b) To a movie and the emergency room
c) The Parthenon (the restaurant, not the Greek artifact)
d) A group date with your ex-girlfriend and her new man
If you answered A or C, proceed. If you answered B or D, you’re probably That Guy that our dad wants to roundhouse kick.

If the date went well, what would your next move be?
a) Call five times the next day to tell her what a great time you had
b) Decide to date your ex-girlfriend instead
c) Don’t call her at all. Let her make the next move.
d) Call her the next day, but take it slow. You believe in the philosophy “You can’t hurry love; you just have to wait.”
If you answered A, you’re a scary stalker. If you answered B or C, you’re an emotionally incapacitated twit. Cease applying immediately.

Hayley’s grandma is in the hospital. How do you react?
a) Don’t call her; let her deal with the situation on her own.
b) Complain that she’s spending too much time with her family and accuse her of not taking your relationship seriously.
c) Send her a bouquet. On the card, you write something to the effect of “Just wanted to know that I’m thinking of you. Call me if you need a shoulder to cry on.”
d) Do C, plus bring her food from Sonic when she misses dinner on campus because she was at the hospital.
Any answer other than C or D is unacceptable.

You’ve been dating Hayley for one month. How well do you know her?
a) She loves dancing, singing, and going out – and she needs a guy that can keep up with her!
b) She’s a fan of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.
c) She loves going to rodeos and talking about her daddy’s farm equipment.
d) Her favorite TV shows are The Office, Sex and the City, and One Tree Hill.
e) Her idea of a great summer day is going to the lake and snuggling under the stars in your grandpa’s boat.
f) She doesn’t have hobbies. She’s so grateful that a guy is paying attention to her that she’ll be whoever you want her to be!
If you answered C or F, the relationship is doomed.

You’ve realized that you can’t dance, can’t sing, and can’t handle Hayley’s awesomeness. How do you break up with her?
a) Tell her that you’ve had a great time with her but don’t see things working out in the long run. Attempt to stay friends after the initial weirdness of the breakup wears off.
b) Lock yourself in your room and listen to kill-me music and tell everyone that you broke up with Hayley because she performed fellatio on half the baseball team.
c) Do A, but attempt to turn your newfound friendship into a booty call.
d) Act like a spineless little asshat and make Hayley so miserable that she breaks up with you … then cry whenever you see her on campus. You want her to feel REALLY GUILTY.
If you answered A, your mama raised you right. If you’ve ever done B, C, D, just give up and stop dating. You’re a bad person.

Enough about Hayley. What kind of person are you?
a) I’m the type who tries to impress girls by showing off my car, then running it into a tree, then taking my date to the emergency room. But I won’t turn in my insurance claim and I’ll hope her dad never wonders why he keeps receiving medical bills. Hmm.
b) I’m going to live in the Sandhills and raise 20,000 head of cattle. My wife will be a nurse in a town 40 miles away. Since I love Hayley oh-so-much and appreciate the sacrifices she’s made to be a rancher’s wife, I’ll take her dancing on Saturday nights.
c) I’m a law-abiding young man with no felonies or misdemeanors on my record. I am a Christian. I want a good, smart, fun-loving girl that I can treat like a princess. I like baseball. I will go dancing with Hayley, and I will enjoy it. Women tell me that I’m good-looking and wear nice cologne. I am mature, thoughtful, and emotionally intelligent. I am not a manipulative little twink. I don’t have any tattoos, piercings, or weird lesions on my body. I am a virgin and will not attempt to steal Hayley’s innocence until our wedding night. If I break this promise, I understand that her brother-in-law will hunt me down and kill me. And I care so much about the love of my life that I simply wouldn’t risk The Wrath of Andy for just a few moments of pleasure.
If you answered C, congratulations. I grant you permission to date my sister.

So dissapointing.

One blog after I threaten to put Monday Musings on paid leave until some other bloggers step up.

Too bad, I had some good ones this week. The European markets ----- dynamite!

Monday Musings is on hiatus until the other bloggers share some life.

Lindzo? Mary? Paul?

Sup.

aw

Jules and Hayley -- Andy can give you a full-fledged financial lesson, but upon Hayley's request, I thought I'd share my top 10 tips for saving money on everyday stuff.

1) Pick and choose furnishings and decorations you really, truly love. I bought lots of stuff just to fill the space, and I still regret how much money I wasted. It's really worth buying one item at a time and gradually building your collection of treasures.

2) If you live with a roomie, share things like condiments, toilet paper, paper towels, and cleaning supplies. You'll save precious closet space and money.

3) Find a grocery store that has a good "store brand." I love Hy-Vee because their products are the same as the real deal. I usually buy the store brand for these items: cream cheese, juice, milk, packaged cheese, salsa, all canned goods, pudding cups, frozen fruits, chocolate chips, and ice cream bars.

4) If you have room, buy these items in bulk: light bulbs, Kleenex, toilet paper, paper towels, bar soap, Clorox clean-up wipes, cereal (if you eat as much as I do, heh heh) and pretty much anything that doesn't expire.

5) Make only one shopping trip a week, if possible. Anytime you run into the drugstore to pick up one item, you'll probably walk out with five others. :)

6) Make a shopping list and STICK TO IT! I think we eat much healthier and save money when I take a few minutes to plan a menu for the week.

7) Clip coupons and shop sales. Sounds so mom-ish, right? But it really does save a lot of money. (Sales are almost always better deals than coupons, however.)

8) Make nutritious meals that yield lots of leftovers. I really like leftovers that I can put in the freezer, then defrost on a busy day when we don't feel like cooking. Soup, lasagna, meatballs, and enchiladas freeze well.

9) Take advantage of cheap meal nights at local restaurants. Andy and I still go to Old Chicago a few times a month for the Wednesday night $1 slice deal.

10) Once you're away from the dorm meal plan, it's so tempting to go out to eat instead of staying in and cooking. Bring your lunches, prepare stuff at home whenever possible, and treat yourself to a weekly dinner out with friends.

11) Sorry, thought of another one. Bar drinks are expensive. Save your liver and your pocketbook and limit how many drinks you buy. ;)

Watch for my next installments: Quick & Cheap Meals, What to Keep in the Kitchen at All Times, and What's Worth Splurging On.

Monday musings:

• Ashley gets cool points for being the best wife ever. She watched Wayne's World with me this weekend. Great movie. Sure, she recognized half the quotes that are in my regular lexicon, but hey -- you gots to remember your roots. I suppose I owe her a night with a chick flick now.
• I am waiting for the Wierd Al parody of the "My Humps" song. Seriously.
• So I went in to ACE hardware this weekend and it is a brand new one. Well, I was just walkign around, and in liek every aisle, they kept askign me if I needed anything. Well, after about th e10th time, I started making up items. And every time they asked again, I got more absurd. For those Back to the Future geeks, out there, I think Martin is still looking for a Flux Capacitor in the electronics aisle.
• I love technology. But not as much as you, you see. Always and forever.
• If you ladies are looking for a way to turn heads: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/headturning.html
• I love spring
• In the last three weeks of crazy events, I have decided to really focus on three parts of my life. The first is my health. Nothing like two parents with heart conditions to scare you into eating better and staying in shape. The second is Asher, sinc eshe' scool like that. The third is my fingers. Looks liek I'm going to have a few projects coming up and I'd really liek to keep my fingers intact.
• No market news this week. Just the price of oil. Bummer.
• My milkshake brings ALL the boys to the yard.

I'm out.

I need to go to drug rehab.

I'm convinced that Easter candy is laced with crack. If it's not, why do I keep eating so much?

I polished off half a bag (maybe more?) of Starburst jellybeans in two days.

This afternoon I went to Shopko to pick up T.P. and shower cleaner. I walked out with another bag of Starburst beans, two packages of Peeps (pink and blue), five snack packs of Cadbury Mini Eggs (for portion control), and one bag of Brachs marshmallow bunnies and chicks.

I do this every year. Every spring, I think, "Ashley, you're going to be strong this time. You're not going to get within 10 yards of an aisle of Easter candy." Then the pretty colors, textures, shapes, and once-a-year tastes lure me in, and I cave. I'm already planning a trip to get speckled crunchy M&M's, Cadbury cream eggs and robin's eggs.

Easter candy is my favorite candy in the whole wide world. The Easter after Andy and I got engaged, Mama Washburn made me a pink Easter basket and filled it with my favorite treats. She told me I didn't have to share with her son. It was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. ;)

Gah, I have to stop. I'm on a mission to lose a few pounds because I'm becoming an obeast (obese+beast=obeast), and eating my weight in Easter candy isn't helping.

See? I really need a 12-step program.

I don't think I need to explain the rare wonderfulness of a snow day at the university. Thanks to the interstate shutting down and the kiddies not being able to drive back to Lincoln from their spring break destinations, we got another one today!

This is how yesterday went:
Read, nap, play with cat, eat a handful of Starburst jellybeans, read, talk on phone with Lindsey, read, eat jellybeans, watch Cheerleader Nation on Lifetime and eat pretzels, play with cat, eat gross leftovers, read BH&G, cat, jellybeans, shower. I hadn't felt that relaxed (and lazy!) in years, probably.

This is how today has went:
Breakfast, check work e-mail and realize my boss dropped the ball on an important project (and she's out of town for two weeks), get angry, send e-mails to mend feelings and rectify the situation, calm down, eat jellybeans, read, eat pizza, check e-mail again and realize my boss forgot several other important details before she left, send more apologetic e-mails, realize that I've become my boss's bitch (i.e., the one who does 85% of the work), watch cat cough up sock fuzz and dried funeral flowers. Don't ask. Damn cat.

I'm signing out now; it's time for more jellybeans and Cheerleader Nation.

Monday Musings:

I love my job in academia. I get snow days, just liek the kiddies, and I just saw that LPS will stay closed tomorrow which means tomorrow is optional for me. Guess who's staying hoem to watch Dawson's Creek and Saved by the Bell again!!!

Sorry for all the typos, but my back is killign me and I don't want to sit here to edit.

So what's on my mind these days? Well....

Hoping that UNL cancels classes tomorrw for two reasons. First, Asher won;t have to go to work either. And second, how much would it suck to have a snow day from work and then still have to go to class at 3:30. I know, right. Plus, if I don;t have to go to class, I may round up Cole and another and maybe start digging out Grandpa Dale -- if for no other reason to see how kick-ass his snowblower really is.

So my momma goes in for a big surgery on Thursday. A heart-cathaterization ink test for of thing for you medical types on here. BAsically, they shoot her veins full of ink and see what's blocled and where. From there, it coudl be this wicked cool angioplaity thingy with a baloon that blows open the clog, or it could be open heart surgery and a bypass on the spot. Crazy stuff. THough, old bag for my family (at least on my dad's side). Hopefully, things will all go OK and she's use this as a wake up call to make some lifestyle changes and whatnot so she can have many many happy years of enjoying grandbabies.

No -- Ash is not pregnant.

I really dig my boss. As much ass-kissing as this sounds like, I like his weather policy, I liek that he let us basically take a three hour lunch last week to watch the NCAA opening round. I liek that I get Fridays off in the summer. I like that he has no problem with employees going to baseball games in the mid-afternoon. But his whole philosophy is great. Give people time off to do the things they love, and they will work their ass off when they are in the building. I knwo I do.

I like how the domestic retial markets are coming back. Especially bood old Buckle (BKE) which has jumped 18% in 6 months. Tech is just too risky until Apple and Google start to level out, and oil -- no thanks.

My wife is addicted to some Cheerleader reality show. Sad.

I am becomming more convinced every day that I should quit my day job and open up a business that will help young people with their finances. So many people just out of school are screwed. That's not counting you doctor and pharmacy types that will be able to pay off their student loans after like a week of work and then by a mega house the second week. (I know its really not THAT great).

I smell like snowblower gas.

Ok -- back hurting. Bye.

It's hard for me to adapt to this blustery, snowy weather when I was just at the beach a mere 4 days ago. This past week I went to Texas with Cassondra, my roommate, and her cousins. It was a wonderful time of relaxation, attempts at tanning, and eating too much good food.

The area that we stayed in for the greater part of the week was near Orange, TX, which is about 12 miles west of the Texas/Lousiana border. The weather ranged from 75 to 87 degrees. Each night we'd sit outside on the back porch and it felt just like summer. Texas also had a lot of nightlife options. Every club down there is 19 and over so Cassondra and I could go have fun with her 24/25 year old cousins. Overall it was a great time and I'd love to show pictures to anyone who would like to see them!

Lastly, I have to thank my lucky stars though because a lot of the area we stayed at was still cleaning up from Hurricane Rita. Many people still don't have roofs (just bright blue tarps), many trees are still down, and people are still working on getting their lives together. It was just cool to see this all up front instead of just on CNN. But no matter how devistated their property is, everyone still has a great attitude and just deals with what they have.

So that's the overview of my Spring Break 2006! A lot of fun, food, and relaxation was just what I needed!

I'm giving Julie some serious Princess Points.

Why? Because thanks to her, I figured out that O.A.R. sings that kickass Love and Memories song. I am so hooked and can't wait to discover more.

Nebraska weather is crazy in early March. It was 60 degrees yesterday, we had thunder/lightning/hail/rain/snow this morning, and it's supposed to snow tomorrow.

The weather reminded me of one memorable birthday celebration with Grandpa Meyer. We went up to Grandpa and Grandma's house to have supper and open presents. About as soon as Grandma put away the last sliver of angel food cake, a huge, nasty thunderstorm rolled through. There were tornado warnings in the surrounding counties, and I was secretly hoping some of the excitement would come our direction (not because I wanted the house to blow down, but because I'm a screwball who loves bad weather simply because it's interesting).

The storm was powerful enough to knock out the power. Cole, Hayley and I were shrieking in the basement, so Dad came down with his flashlight and led us back upstairs. Lindsey was really little -- maybe 2? -- and she wouldn't stop crying because the thunder was scaring her. We all huddled in the living room and waited for the power to come back on. And waited. And waited some more.

Finally, Grandpa announced that he was opening his presents, electricity be damned. I can still picture him holding a flashlight in one hand and polishing off half a package of Peeps with the other. :)

It snowed the next day. (Happy birthday, Grandpa -- even if I am one day early.)

Early Monday Musings, since I'll be way slammed at work tomorrow (but that's OK).

- Still feeling good for winning my speedign ticket case. I didn't get off on a technicality, I got off on the officer's incompetance.

- This week has been an intense time of reflection. I consider myself very lucky to have such a wonderful wife, brother-in-law, and pair of sister-in-laws. Not that I don't already know you well already, but some of the conversations I had with a few of you this week were actually meaningful and had some depth to them. Good stuff.

- I really like Pastor Ed more each day.

- I now know what a Kaddish is.

- If you are bored and with an uber-high speed internet connection, check out my latest video-editing job from an event a few weeks back. I'll have another one up this week. http://www.huskeralum.com/events/redgala/video.htm IF this is too big, check out the low res link on the page. I'll be waiting for my academy award.

- Cole. No pressure, but hang on to that gal of yours. To be able to handle Uncle Jeff, Uncle Joe and the relatives in a fairly emotional time is not somethign you will find too often.

- Cole. We were sitting with some friends the other night debating on whether or not to call you up and see if the hot tub was occupiable. We may still do so some time before spring gets here. Be ready.

- Current students, after some of my other activities this week not family/funeral-related, remind me to give you all a personal finance lesson after you gaduate. There's some relatively simple stuff out there that I think you all know, but I want to be sure so you are not in the same spot as some other folks out there.

- I don't type very well.

- It's about time for me to get a new cell phone. This one is so old, Zac Morris could have used it to call Kelly or Screech at the Max.

- Don't you love how college has its spurts. Two tests and a paper all due in the same week, and then nothing for like 5 weeks. Then it all happens again. What the hell? Just Karma I guess.

Test Yourself!

http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html

Supposedly airforce pilots can keep this up for 2 mins or more. It's very addicting :D

Bringing you some kitten cheer.

Our neighbor cat Carrot came onto the deck to invite Blue out to play.

Linzo, will you show this to Dad?

Update:

Well, I fought the law, and the law can kiss my ass. Yup, the ticket got dropped. I got to do the whole bit: opening statement, cross examination of the officer, everything. The officer admitted that it is possible he pulled the wrong vehicle over and made errors on my traffic stop. Whee.

So, I am trying to reach the Isreali-Canadian professor. Dude does not check his voice mail or e-mail. I have test scheduled for Thursday night, but would much rather be with family that evening.

Monday Musings has been posponed.

I'm currently riding a bag of mixed emotions with

- Grandma Shirley news
- Contesting the speeding ticket tomorrow morning (still angry and a touch nervous)
- A test for half my grade in a class this thursday
- And my favorite fundraiser event of the year which I created a few years back to help remember a former colleague and has been pretty successful.

But I won't leave you empty handed. Enjoy:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/regurgitater.html

I promise I won't get into the habit of downer posts, but please send your hugs to the Nebraska Andersons. Our Grandma Shirley passed away this afternoon. It's really for the best because her quality of life had degraded so much, but it's still going to be difficult, especially for Grandpa. :(

I learned a new word today, courtesy of the Washington Post: idolspize.

To “idolspize” means to admire, yet secretly despise, a person. The people we idolspize often have the same major or occupation, belong to our social circle, and lead lives as mundane as our own. Yet, because of their beauty, talent, or luck, we can’t control the green-eyed monster inside us when they’re around.

Why? Because the person you idolspize is just like you, but better.

Meet Michelle. Michelle and I are both 25 and graduated from UNL in 2002. I have a degree in journalism; she has bachelor’s degrees in English and political science. After college, I spent three years working my tail off to understand Nebraska laws and politics. She was brilliant enough to land a job in Washington, D.C., with a congressman who is a legit contender for president in 2008. After working for him, she earned a master’s degree in comparative politics from Canada’s most prestigious liberal arts school. She graduated with honors both times.

People with journalism degrees think English majors are second-rate writers. When Michelle asked to meet with me to discuss a project I was working on, I was feeling smug until I listened to her ideas. Then I was embarrassed I hadn’t thought of them myself.

Although she’s young, Michelle commands respect. She’s confident enough to tell a difficult professor, “No, we’re going to do it my way,” and they listen. I’m tall, but she’s 6’0” barefoot, and still wears 3-inch heels. She finds funky ways to wear normal clothing and manages to look like a fashion icon; I’d pay good money for a fashion coach. Her favorite book is Pride and Prejudice; I’ve started it five times and have never read beyond Chapter 3.

Could I realize my potential (i.e. be more like her) if I worked harder, got a master’s degree and read the classics instead of The Nanny Diaries?

The idolspize concept makes sense to me. I don’t know anyone who is truly jealous of a celebrity. But I every woman I know is jealous of someone in her class, her volunteer group, her church, or even one of her friends. How do we handle spending time with someone whose fabulousness reminds us of our shortcomings?

I think the answer lies somewhere between self-improvement and self-acceptance. In my case, I need to become more confident and assertive, especially at work. I need to accept that I will never have slim thighs or be the person in the room to whom everyone gravitates.

What do you think? Who do you idolspize?

Read the original article at http://www.washingtonpost.com/wpdyn/content/article/2006/02/21/AR2006022101862.html

OK,

I'll concede a little bit.

Coldplay had some fantastic moments. Giant yellow balloons falling from the ceiling during "Yellow. " Made it seem like a giant party.

The last minute of "Fix you" was nearly musical perfection and the only time all four of the band members were on the big screen, singing the hell out of the last chorus. I'd put that up there with one of the top mucial moments I have seen live, even if it only did last a minute.

And the song right before that -- no idea what the title was, was pretty cool. Its not every day that a performer jumps off the stage, runs to the back of the arena and jumps into the crowd while singing the last verse.

Very cool.

What was NOT very cool were the girls behind us that were so drunk that they spilled more beer on us than they were drinking. Maybe I'm a miser, or I respect the music too much. But I can't see why someone would do this.

Sure I would have a beer if the opportunity presented itself. But I'm not going to drop $5 a beer for more than one beer. And I sure as hell am not going to miss 3 or 4 songs while I stand in line to get another or wait to pee.

And I sure as hell am not going to get so hammered that I don't remember the show that I paid $75 a ticket to go see.

Stupid people.

Monday musings:

My Russian accent has been quite popular today.

NO market news. Damn Presidents and their special day. I mean, isn't it enough that they get their 6-figure salary fo rlife. Nope, they get their own holiday too. Even the crappy ones. I tell you, it will be a cold day in hell when I celebrate the presidency of Arthur or Taft.

So I am going to see Coldplay tonight. Bring on the mellow-ness. I am actually looking forward to the show somewhat, but I hope they pick up the tempo bit live.

So I found out on Saturday that the gas I pass in my sleep is powerful enough to awaken a sleeping wife. Lindzo would be so proud -- and now you have something to shoot for.

I am gettign sick. Oh well, at least it is in between work and school projects. Though I am convinced that with technological advances, I coudl work three days a week from home and actually be more productive in the process because I could focus on stuff. And then, teh other two days, I woudl go in and put out fires and have meetings. I wonder if the boss will go for that. Tuesday's dress code = pajamas.

Peace out, playaz.

Quotes of the Day

Today Hayley wore a pair of brown sweatpants and a kelly green sweatshirt. I had already given her a hard time about her outfit because her pants said "Nebraska" and her shirt said "Minnesota." So, Hayley was doubly wounded when mom blurted out, "You look like a ... tree!" Lindsey and I giggled, and Schnookums looked crestfallen, so Mom tried to smooth things over by saying, "That's okay, honey. It's found in nature." Then I said, "And we all know that things found in nature make fabulous fashion!" (By the way, she really did look cute.)

Andy and I often lament that our kids are screwed because both of us have had glasses, braces, ugliness, awkwardness, and lack of athletic talent. So, when Andy discovered this evening that we both have foot problems occasionally, he said (rather angrily, I might add), "Our kids are going to be shitting themselves when they're 20."

Now for a late addition:
"Chuck her into the audience for bigger applause!" said Andy, in an Indian accent, while watching ice dancing with me.

As you all, and the rest of the world know, yesterday was a lame ‘Hallmark-Induced’ holiday. Yes, that’s right it was Valentine’s Day. Now don’t worry I’m not going to get cynical about how love sucks and those in love should have all of the chocolate hearts and flowers thrown at them. I can’t do this because love really is a beautiful thing. And ironic enough I actually had a boyfriend this year. Don’t get mad if you didn’t know about this boyfriend because you will find out shortly that it worked out just about as well as Michael Jackson’s plastic surgery.

I began dating Andy a couple weeks ago after knowing him, or so I thought, since the beginning of this year. He’s a freshman and lives in my dorm. (Note to self: convenience and younger men don’t mix well!) I liked that he was really into baseball and that he appreciated my uniqueness.

Right after we were officially together I began to feel the pressures of this semester. My classes are tough and all of my clubs are in full swing. Matters weren’t helped when grandma landed in the hospital of course too. So perhaps when I told him “Yes I’ll date you exclusive” I was a bit unbalanced (Ashley and Lindsey should like that part) due to stress and the fact that a halfway normal guy was paying attention to more than my looks. In short, I didn’t have much time left to spend with Andy after classes, meetings, and daily visits to see grandma. Apparently that didn’t fly so well with him.

A couple nights ago I missed some of his phone calls and hadn’t been around when he came by to visit. When I finally called him back I asked if he wanted to hang out after I studied for my quiz. He responded by saying, “Maybe. We’ll see if I have time.” (Oh no he didn’t!) So just as coldly as he said that to me I said, “Find. Then I’m going to study.” When he came by later he acted like he wasn’t being an inconsiderate jerk earlier. So I told him, “Well, I know you’re pissed at me for not spending time with you but my grandma’s in the hospital, I’m trying to pass classes to get into nursing school, plan my future, and not go insane, so if you can understand that it would be great.” Okay, so maybe I was a little nicer about it, but that comment is fairly accurate. He then Facebooked me later that night and said that he totally understands and how he needs to be more considerate. So then I thought okay maybe he is more mature than I thought. WRONG! Since then he’s given me three roses (on Monday, no not Valentine’s day) another hate/mad message and no phone call on Valentine’s day. Sorry but this guy is outta here! How’s that for a little baseball terminology? Yeah, I hope he likes that.

It was good for me to give it a try in a relationship, but I think that 20 years of single life (which is something that I do NOT regret) and 20 years of watching my friends in good, but mostly bad relationships, helped me out. I know that Andy can’t handle being supportive so I’ll take my wisdom and dump the schmuck because I refuse to date someone I don’t like!

P.S. The guy that ran me into a tree is dating a girl that snuck into the picture in a very sly, sneaky way that only certain people can pull off. Oh, but I’m not bitter.

I have to get this off my chest so I can go on with my day.

I've read a lot about Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple computers. I admire him, and I prefer his business plan over the Bill Gates model. Every day I'm surrounded by computer snobs who worship the Mac, and their reasons seem valid. I want to love my pretty Mac computer ... but I don't. I want to throw it out the window. Here's why:

1) Many Web pages get messed up on Mac-supported web browsers. You should see how jacked up this blog looks on Andy's work computer.
2) Microsoft Office, which 99.9999% of Americans use, sucks rocks on a Mac. That's how I got into the mess I'm in now.
3) They really aren't that intuitive or user friendly. I love my ipod, but setting up itunes was a bitch at first. It caused the only real screaming match that Andy and I have had.
4) If Apple itself doesn't make the program, it probably will be filled with bugs and glitches and won't work properly.
5) I'm tired graphic designers claiming that desktop publishing programs work best on Macs. That is a load of crap. They work fine on both.
6) What's up with Mac keyboards having an Apple key and a control key? Instead of pressing control+C to copy something, you press Apple+C. You use the Apple key for almost every major command, so why bother having a control key?
7) Either I'm getting old and blind, or the default screen font size is unreasonably tiny. Changing the setting by just one notch makes it GIANT. I can't win.

The one good thing about Macs is that you don't have to worry about viruses. That's because the evil genius virus makers know that hardly anyone uses Macs; therefore, creating a Mac virus wouldn't be worth their time!

Follow-up.

Presentation went well and I hit a milestone tonight! I outgrew my barbell!

Last January, I decided to get into shape and brought some of my dad's old weights from home (and blew off about 25 years of dust) and bought some others at a garage sale this summer -- I mean an full bar and metal snow shovel for $5. Great deal.

Anyway, I hit 30 reps on both arms tonight. When I started a year ago, I could not do 10. I hit 30 with my right arm a few weeks back, but my left arm finally hit 30. So I'm going ot have to go with more weight, knock down the number of reps and add a set after a rest period. Yay.

It's going to be the best intramural hockey season for me ever!!!!!!

Happy Hallmark Corporate Holiday day today.

You've all seen the Chronicles of Narnia. Well in the spirit of East Coast rap vs. West Coast, here is the Midwest response about two guys going to the Elks Club for a dance. It starts out slow, but I think it's hilarious. http://www.break.com/index/lazymuncie.html

So I get to go to the DMV today to pay the licensing on my car. The DMV is like a little ray of sunshine. I can't figure out why it takes so long and why those people are so unhappy. Like 400 years into the future, everything will happen in an instant. Teleporting, meals, everything. But the DMV will still take like 6 seconds. What the DMV should have is a guy hiding inside the door and as you go inside, the guy jumps out and punches every tenth person in the face. That way, all the crap after that isn't as bad. I can see my self standing in the line for an hour thinking "this wait is taking forever, but at least I'm not being repetatively punched in the face."

So in my MBA class, we have a group project today. I have this other group member who is a good friend and colleague from some business we do together. Well, I've concluded she is extremely scatter-brained and it has put me in a tough spot, because I really can't say anything. As we passed out group assignments, she volunteered to be the final proofreader on our handouts and make the presentation. Well, I made her powerpoint and compiled the paper from the three other group members. Long story short, she edits the paper and leaves more mistakes in there than was there beforehand, and then this morning, she wants to add some material that has nothing to do with our topic to the slides and has changes she wants to make to the class handout. Well, I already copied the 40 seperate 5-page handouts and e-mailed the presentation off to the professor, and she wants to make all of these changes. Why can't she just stick to the plan? We're going to be fine if we just stick to the powerpoint as is. Grrrr. Silly people.

Cottage cheese is God's gift to humanity.

Starting to worry about the trade deficit and the U.S. debt problem. I'm even more worried about consumer debt. Hey assholes -- if you can't afford something, don't buy it and then cry about not being able to afford it.

Tools.

Did anyone watch Grey's Anatomy? What happened to the bomb squad guy? Did he meet the same fate as the bomb itself?

I can't understand why Sandra Oh has been nominated for a gazillion awards for this show. Her character is an idiot.

I have a little tidbit of humor for all of you bloggers. Last Friday when my Microbiology professor was getting ready to present the 'Disease of the Day' he told us about how that morning at breakfast his wife inquired what disease we would be covering today. He responded my telling her it was syphillus. Instantly his wife starts laughing. He nicely asks, "Honey, why are you laughing at me? This is a very common bacteria-based disease that is becoming more and more prevalent around the world." While this was true, and very intellectual, this helped the matter none. Once his wife finally came to she said, "Dear, that is mean to talk about syphillus, one of the more popular STD's known right before Valentines's day." Cue gut-shaking laughs from my fellow classmates.

What lesson can we learn from this nasty, lesion causing disease? As the coach on Mean Girls would say: If you have sex you will get pregnant; and die! So be safe not sorry and enjoy your Valentine's day holiday!

I'm still alive! I survived my very first real interview without tripping on my new heels, getting extremely nervous, or doing anything else totally embarrassing, and I'm not gonna lie, I looked really cute in my brand new business suit. I did my makeup very nicely: not really noticeable, just enough to accentuate my eyes. And if it turns out it was a total flop, at least the lady really liked my shoes!

I also visited Wesleyan today, which was quite enjoyable. However, now I'm totally confused and have about a million decisions to make (I know, I know, Ashley and Andy, you want me to go to Wesleyan). No pressure at all, right? Wrong. But oh well for now. I'm just going to bask in all the happiness I'm feeling at this moment. La dee dah. Happy days!

Just for Paul:

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2006/02/souremix.html

Monday Musings:

• Super Bowl. The one time of the year when I eat my own weight in Velveeta cheese dip, baked goods, chips, wingies, and the like. Sure, when two fist-sized masses of the cheese dip start to re-solidify in the depths of your being, it can make for some uncomfortable sleep moments. I've got to say, you've never lived until you wake yourself up farting in the middle of the night. Good thing Ash was very worn out and the cat was on the bed so I could blame the smell on him.
• Gray's Anatomy. Never seen it before, but apparently all my friends are in love with the show. I've got to admit, it is a little captivating, but I've never been in a hospital where a guy has a bomb in his chest being held in by a surgeon, while the surgeon that is her husband is in the room next door doing brain surgery on the husband of a woman downstairs who is in labor, and happens to be the chief attendant at the hospital, while the director of medicine happens to have a heart attack. Come on. But Christina Ricci was a guest star and she is back on the list. Though, I wish she'd eat something.
• Good Bye Mr. Greenspan. Hello Ben Bernake!
• Feeling a little overwhelmed these days. I always get this way in the first part of February. Projects and exams are now within reach, deadlines for about 10 things at work come up, and there's all the pressure of Groundhog Day -- I never know what to wear. This may be my last semester taking two classes at once in person. I can handle it, but I just realized baseball season starts in a couple weeks and taking in a game with the sights and smells of Haymarket Park puts my mind at ease. And its tough to do that when there is homework to be done. Then again, it would be nice to have this degree done sooner than later.
• So my good good friend and a guy who was my former intern for a year was back visiting yesterday. That little bastard got another raise and is making $70,000 a year after being out of school all of 14 months. Maybe I should get a job on the railroad. Hell, maybe I should see if they need anybody like Ashley to write features for their railroad magazine.
• I suck at frosting cupcakes, but I can make BBQ meat with the best of them
• I'd have to say the best advertiser of the night was the "Don't Judge too quickly" campaign. Brilliant.

My weekend, in a nutshell:
- I cut my hair pretty short again. Today I made it all flippy and wild-looking. It's a nice change from the usual.
- Hayley and I had a three-hour lunch at Dairy Queen on Saturday. It was a crazy good time!
- Four of my guy friends got really, really drunk Saturday night. Luckily they were funny drunks, not obnoxious drunks. (The people working at Ali Baba Gyros would probably disagree with that statement.)
- I hadn't eaten Greek food since July. But I had it for supper Friday night and at 1:10 a.m. Sunday, and it was glorious.
- Twenty people attended our Super Bowl party. With so many opportunities to socialize and some other heavy issues on my mind (see below), I confess that I didn't watch the game or even the commercials.
- Cole makes excellent buffalo chicken.
- This weekend was in the running for Best Weekend Ever. However, Grandma had a choking spell in church yesterday. Hayley got things under control with the Heimlich manuever, but Grandma still had to go to the hospital to get a mucus blockage cleared and her breathing steadied. We don't have much information right now, but she's sedated, on a ventilator, and getting some much-needed rest. I suspect that Grandpa and Grandma may have to put their stubborness aside and make some lifestyle changes when she goes home, which brings up a bunch of other questions and dilemmas that I'm trying not to think about. The next few weeks are going to be difficult, especially for Grandpa, Mom, and Uncle Jeff.
- Andy is a gem. Shortly before Hayley summoned me to the hospital, I told Andy that I wanted to make yellow- and blue-frosted cupcakes (team colors, of course). Not knowing how long I'd be at the hospital or how serious the problem was, I told Andy to stay home and finish the prep work for the party unless the situation became an emergency. That sweet boy dyed the frosting, frosted the cupcakes, AND added sprinkles. He also cleaned up the terrible mess I made in the kitchen while making barbecued pork.

CHUCK OWNS ALL AND THE FOLLOWING PROVES IT.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **bleep** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **bleep** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **bleep** out of little kids.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Sorry I've been mostly absent from Cousin Central lately. January has sucked hard-core, and I knew that anything I wrote would be depressing and/or angry. To sum it up, here's why I've been a raving bitch for 27 days:
- Two people at work are in a pissing match over a project that I'm helping some students work on. This project is such small potatoes compared to the bigger stuff these folks should be worrying about, and I don't know why it's such a big frackin' deal ... but I'm caught in the middle and can't do anything in the meantime. Bureaucracy is AWESOME.
- I have to fire a student worker. She's had many chances to prove that she's responsible, and I don't have time to babysit someone who flakes out 75% of the time.
- I'm exhausted from dealing with people who commit to doing something, even when they seemingly know they don't have enough time to devote to a project.
- I'm having a hard time trusting certain people right now. I can't decide if I'm being smart or paranoid.
- My grandma isn't doing well, and it makes me feel really sad and helpless.

Here's to a happier February, everyone. Hopefully I'll have some more humorous material soon. :)

Hello Bloggers! I just did some catch up on the Blog, because somehow I seemed to lose my password and username in the process. Man, I guess last semester was a doozy! So since I haven't communicated with some people since the beginning of the year (yes, I miss you Wisconsin kids like crazy) I thought I'd catch you up on the highlights of my 2006 thus far.
Even though the year has just begun I have learned many a lesson. After finishing reading my blog I hope you feel more up do date!

• Don't run into trees with boys and end up in the ER. If it impresses your dad at first because you're finally on a date, he'll hate him because he finds out he's an inresponsible guy and doesn't send in the claim for insurance, which makes your dad think he's not good enough for his little girl. Hate calls follow. Kind of a bad deal.
• Facebook is the new dating service. Seriously. My roommates friend meets guys on there by "stalking" them (no Ashley you aren't a stalker) and they end up meeting and she....well...she's kind of promiscuous so you fill in the blanks, but other people I know have started searching for the "perfect" man for me. Sorry kids, I don't want to resort to this until I'm 27 and alone!
• UNL's class description book is about as hypocritical as my advisor. They make it sound like spores, capsules, Louis Pasteur (whom as my professor states is the John the Baptist of the Germ Theory), and Robert Koch are going to get me giddy with excitement. I love when we talk about bacillus anthrax and other spore forming diseases, but he is monotone and gets giddy about all the wrong things. I hope that our weekly "Disease of the Day" will tide me over. (Don't ask me why they call it disease of the day when we get it weekly. The guy studied bacillus something for 25 years, so I guess he's the man or something and he should get the Nobel Peace Prize for hottest lab rat ever! Jokes.
• Dorm life is overrated if you're as mature as me. These freshman act like 8th graders and enjoy acting like amature paparazzi. Hello, if my life were exciting enough for tabloids I'd be in Holllywood making money not spending it on Nebraska life.

Have a great rest of the week all!

Monday Musings:

So….I got a speeding ticket and I am going to contest it. Not only did the cop write down the wrong vehicle color, but he separated the copy before I signed it, so my copy isn't signed. Then, he wrote down the wrong license plate number and had to re-write over it to make it look OK. He just seemed distracted and weird. I wonder if I can get it throw out. If not, I pay the same thing anyway, so I might as well go down swinging. I know, I say that now, just wait until Ashley has to visit me in jail.

Now this is funny: http://www.break.com/college/appalachianhot.html

So I thought getting married would be the end of obsessive phone calls from people who want a relationship with me. Well, today, a dude calls wanting a relationship (a business relationship.) with my place of employment. I asked him to send a written proposal, I would review and then decide if we wanted to proceed. I looked it over, and it turns out it's a business model just like an old-school Amway pyramid scheme. So I tell him we can't do business and why. He proceeds to keep me on the phone for 45 minutes. I finally get done and he calls back nine times. He just doesn't get it. Drove me nuts and made me stabby.

Well, with the current missed earnings of last week, either we are on the cusp of an economic break-out, or we are headed for some fairly moderate recession. Even the Asian markets cant' help us now.

Congrats to Hayley on a good interview.

Congrats to Julie for surviving skiing.

Congrats to Cole for surviving the four-month honeymoon period of a relationship with his “man cards” still intact.

Congrats to Mary for surviving infectious disease, and biological grossness.

Congrats to Lindsey for only having one semester of high school and being home all alone before embarking to college. Where Ever you go to School, LEts Yearn for A huge graNt. (No subliminal message there).

Congrats to Paul for successfully defending Bush in his first full year of his second term. 2005 was a great year for him. And also congrats for completing your first semester in the Liberal, pinko commie hell that is Madison.

Congrats to me for revenge on all my enemies.

And congrats to Ash, cuz she's married to such a super radical, keen, wicked awesome, super sweet dude that still has 73% of his high school hair intact.

Last semester, Andy entertained us with stories about the bastard-filled/coated/covered professor. Since Dr. Asshat is out of the picture, allow me to introduce you to my socially inept coworker.

Socially Inept Coworker (S.I.C.): My dog pooped on the floor again this morning.
*Ashley and The Boss stare at him, wondering why the eff he's telling us this.*
S.I.C.: He's old. It just falls out of his butt.
*more silence and stares*
S.I.C.: Are there rules against bringing dogs to work? I think someone needs to look after him during the day.
The Boss, glaring at S.I.C.: No way in hell are you allowed to bring that dog here.

Monday Musings:

I installed a dishwasher all by myselff. Will wonders never cease. No flooding, no electrocution, no damage to the tile. Big assist to Cole on the transportation. Homeownership is fun.

If you want to be seriously entertained, tie a long ribbon or something on to the tail of a cat. Hilarity ensues.

Big day on the markets tomorrow. The early 2006 rally in the Dow, S&P and Nasdaq will be heavily tested tomorrow with a huge deluge of earnings announcments, likely to be lead by Yahoo and JP Morgan-Chase.

Raquetball walls are hard when you run into them -- this can lead to a phenomenon called bruising.

Where the hell is everybody on this blog? I feel like I am just talking to myself.

My cats breath smells liek catfood.

Listen to your cat. Always. Those little furballs aren’t as crazy as you think.

Around 4:30 or 5 a.m., I heard the cat whining in the basement. I do not respond to whining before 6:30 a.m. Responding to Blue’s cries for food means I will sleep restlessly until the alarm rings because he will eat, get a burst of kitty energy, and chase imaginary birds/mice/dust bunnies around the house until somebody wakes up.

It turns out that Blue had a good reason to cry this morning. I went to his room (a.k.a. the laundry room) to feed him, and I immediately noticed a huge puddle of rusty water covering most of the floor. The laundry basket, floor, and litter box also were covered with gravelly sludge.

At first, the sludge looked like chunks of litter and pee, and I was ready to tell a very bewildered Blue that he’d been a bad, bad kitty. Then it dawned on me: This wasn’t the work of a cat; this was the act of a 13-year-old dishwasher that probably cost $50 to begin with.

Our P.O.S. dishwasher started breaking down in, oh, October. Water started pooling at the bottom for no apparent reason. Andy instructed me to keep the water valve shut at all times, except when running the cycle. Problem solved! By December, the door no longer stayed shut. We solved that by sticking a stack of 20 Post-it notes in the lever.

The Post-it pad should’ve been a sign to give up and buy a new dishwasher, or at least hire a certified repairman. But no! We’re still in the honeymoon period of homeownership when we believe we’re capable of tackling major projects ourselves (with a few instructions from our parents, of course). And in the process of jury-rigging – I mean fixing – the dishwasher, the water pipe sprung a leak. I can only hope that the laundry room doesn’t have permanent water damage.

Dad, thanks for the Christmas money. We’re going to Schaefer’s on Saturday to buy a new dishwasher.

What can we learn from this story?
1) If you have a problematic dishwasher, don’t run it while you’re sleeping. You may wake up to an unpleasant mess.
2) Screw do-it-yourself projects; call a repairman. My mom gets pissy when Dad doesn’t fix things around the house, but I think he has the right idea. Call someone who knows what they’re doing.
3) Listen to the cat.

Figured I would go for some pretty deep stuff to start the semester and new year.

With it being Sunday tomorrow, and with a lot of free time on my hands, I've been pondering spirituality a bit. I was talking with a friend who has a good job, is happy with everything, but still feels a little empty that his life has no meaning or purpose. Every day is get up, go to work, come home, watch TV, do chores. Do it all again the next day, only to have some free time and money every couple nights to do something social and/or fun. But where is the deeper purpose other than capitalism and having more money to buy more stuff?

Well, I guess I have found that a lot of people our age feel that way and I really think the problem is in the separation of spirituality out of daily life. There just seem to be so many people that just go through the rat race, work hard and hope for fulfillment, but are still lacking something. They may even go to church on Sundays, and believe in God.

But, I am starting to wonder life is becoming too compartmentalized, and spirituality is being delegated out to one day a week or just in the evenings before bed or before meal prayers. Those folks I know that exercise their spirituality 24/7 seem to find more satisfaction. I'm not saying to be openly religious or preachy in class or at work, but to keep the central parts of faith in your soul constantly.

Meditate. Pray. Take a little time for yourself everyday. Seek the higher purpose you serve. Seek new knowledge. Enjoy the relationships with those you love, and do not let HDTV, nifty shoe sales, or even the recent surge of Asian markets.

I am going to try and do that more and see if maybe I can live a more fulfilling 2006. Looking back, even the class with the bastard-coated bastard taught me something. True, it taught me international economic theory, but it also taught me patience, focus and maybe even kick-started this line of thinking for me that I never want to be one of those people that are not living up to professional expectations because they have an emptyness in their souls. I hope the bastard-coated bastard finds what he needs to within himself, because we will be miserable and pass that on to a lot of people in the future if he doesn't start to look within. His textbooks, his academic accomplishments, and his other successes will still leave him empty.

Deep thoughts. What do you think?

Ok, peace out, players.

No comments for the last two monday musings. Perhaps I'll wait until most of you have returned to school before my next post.

Sorry -- Monday musings is on vacation in San Antonio. Please check back next week for a new episode.

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People are usually surprised when they discover I'm a Sex and the City addict. However, I don't watch the show for the men, the sexual exploits, or the New York City hotspots. (Okay, sometimes I do.) But the real reason I'm hooked on the show is because I'm living vicariously through the characters' friendships. Through heartbreak and shoe shopping, Carrie and the girls are always there for each other.

I desperately want a girl gang of my own (albeit a less slutty one). Trying to make new friends has proven to be one of the hardest parts of post-collegiate life. My true-blue, best friends are the people I became close to during high school and college. While we're still close, none of us live near each other. I can't call my best friends and tell them to meet me at the coffee shop in twenty minutes. One of them lives in Japan, for God's sake.

In an effort to expand my social circle, I've joined community service groups and tried to befriend coworkers, acquaintances, and the like. And let me tell you, it's hard. I have a group of girls that I play card games and drink wine with once a month, but it's purely a social connection, not an emotional one. Making friends after college is a lot like dating. Finding someone with similar interests, values, and the X-factor -- that indefinable quality that makes people "click" -- isn't easy.

From what I've heard and observed, many twenty-somethings seem to be in the same boat. You'd think we could get our act together and find our own circle of Friends, but alas, life isn't a sitcom. In college, everyone shares a similar lifestyle experience. After graduation day, we no longer have a common experience to bring us together. Some go to grad school, some get married, some have kids, some travel overseas, some focus on careers ... you can see why it's hard to find a connection.

Sometimes I get lonely and wonder if I'm a special kind of loser because I don't have many friends in Lincoln. However, being in a friendship drought has made me appreciate my true friends even more, and I've become better at expressing just how much I care about them. I'm also glad that as we get older, the age difference between me and my lovely sisters matters less. When I do or say something goofy, Hayley and Lindsey may laugh at me, but I know they love me no matter what. That's the best kind of friend, if you ask me. :)

At the risk of sounding like a cheesy mass e-mail forward, do the following today:
1) Call a friend and thank them for putting up with your crazy self
2) Hug your sisters, for they can be the greatest friends.
3) Watch an episode of Sex and the City. It rocks.

My fellow bloggers, I have the MOST interesting first date story you'll ever hear....or at least the most interesting one you've heard so far. I thought that I'd experienced all the first dates ever. There was the blind date to the Seward High School prom with a socially inept Irish man (which landed me at home in tears at 10:00 on that Saturday night), then there are they typical awkward dates where you're trying-to-like-each-other-so-much-that-we-have-pasted-smiles-and-fake-laughs-to-boot, and lastly those very few that when you get home you think to yourself, "Wow, that was pretty painless. In fact I think I just had a GOOD first date." I don't know about you guys, but good first dates are hard to come by. And now you will learn how I crashed into my most eventful first date.

My friend Jay and I have known each other since last year. We've been hanging out more this semester, but mainly in a group setting, so when he Facebooked me that we should hang out I figure I'll be one of seven in attendance. Well when I called him about our plans he told me I could pick out my favorite movie that is playing at Starship (the $2 theatre in Lincoln.) I picked Elizabethtown, which he said he would love to see. I met him at his house and found that we were the only ones going (could it be a date? Wait and see!) As we get into his Honda Civic, camera in hand, he decideds that he would like to take me out in his "nice" car. I agree of course. You don't mess with guys and their vehicles. So his other car is red with T-tops (yes that's all I know. This will come in handy later in the story, so don't forget that I'm car stupid and didn't know what kind it was.) We drove to the movie and got found our seats at the theatre. The movie was REALLY good and we had fun talking too. As we were leaving he was telling me about all the parking tickets he's gotten in his life. Then he told me how many traffic tickets he's got (42!) This really didn't bother me because I knew that most of them were minor details. So as we were driving back he was kind of showing off with his manly power with the gas petal and he laughed. I asked him why and he told me that I had a scared look on my face. I then add saucily, "I don't get scared!" HA. Well about five blocks later we hit some ice and began to fishtail. I was scared then let me tell you. Jay couldn't get control of his little red car so the back end flew around and the car jumped the curb and hit a tree. I kid you not. The tree hit right on my door, so the top part of the door bent in and hit me in the head. The side of the door came in pushing my right knee into the inside of my left and my feet got stuck. (This really is tragic and they told me that I'm lucky to be alive, but I have to add my own humor to make it all better. I thought I should warn you since you're probably gasping OH MY GOSH!!!) Well immediately Jay asks if I'm okay. I figure if I'm still breathing, I'm okay! Well I then was scared because I was stuck and couldn't get out of the car. I didn't want the Jaws of Life to get ahold of me!

Somehow, probably adrenaline-induced, I managed to slip out of my shoes and crawl out Jay's driver side door. By then the cops are there and are telling me that they're calling an ambulance. I'm like, oh super so now I can't go back and study. This really shouldn't have been on my mind, but hello I'm a stressed college student. So they put me in the ambulance and put me on a backboard with a neck brace and they asked if me and my boyfriend had been fighting or if there was any anger involved. I said he's not my boyfriend, and no we didn't fight. They then proceeded to put an IV in. 10 stabs later they told me I had crazy veins and said they wouln't poke me anymore. Thank goodness! I'm already in enough pain right?

When I got to the hospital I got x-rays because I had head pain (duh), left shoulder pain, left knee pain, and chest/side pain. So I think I got about 12 x-rays and one CAT scan by 1:00. I then was crying because I didn't want dad to kill Jay (he really is a nice boy with good intentions) and I hadn't called anyone yet, because I didn't know who I should call. But then I got back to room 26 in the ER and saw Jay sitting there. He told me he talked to my friend Sarah and told me that his parents were praying for me. How nice! Then he asked if I wanted to call mom and dad. I was like "Unless you want an ear-full from my dad right now, I don't think so." Finally, they told me that the x-rays looked good but that I was badly bruised. Super! My roommate and four guy friends all came to the hospital so I felt better.

Anyway yesterday I called my parents and all my dad said once he found out that I was not going to die, he started asking if we were friends and was all oooo-lala. I was like, "DAD, are you kidding me? So then I told him that yes, Jay, is a nice boy." So just to update you, my shoulder and knee hurt real bad and I hobble around, but you know what....I'll be just super! In fact, Jay brought me fresh baked cookies, flowers, and a card and a couple of my other guy friends gave me flowers and a card. I feel so special! So I thank God that I'm alive and will be well, and I also will more than likely be going on a second date with Jay; however, I think we should take bikes instead!

It's only 8:27 a.m., and I'm ready to go back to bed. I have a sleep hangover from waking up too quickly.

My happy slumber was interrupted this morning when I rolled over in bed and noticed that the room was filled with more light than usual. I grabbed my alarm clock, which read 7:36. Cripes! I forgot to set my alarm.

I leaped out of bed, washed my face and smeared on the minimum amount of makeup required to prevent me from scaring people, and concealed my bedhead. That's not an easy task when a ponytail isn't an option, but luckily I showered before bed last night so my hair wasn't all wonky and gross. I packed my breakfast, fed the cat, and managed to leave the house by 8:00.

Now, a twenty-four minute mad dash to the door probably isn't impressive to the college students on board, but I'm pretty impressed with myself. I can easily waste 90 minutes before work each day. See, I wake up slooowly. It's not like I spend the whole time beautifying myself, but I do everything in such slow motion that preparing for the day takes about 45 or 50 minutes longer than it should. Plus, I believe in leisurely reading my newspaper and eating a complete breakfast, which is difficult to do at work. Oh, and I'm easily distracted by Mr. Blue doing something adorable and feeling the urge to scrub the sink, sweep the bathroom floor, take out the garbage, wash a week's worth of clothing, or do some other random chore.

Like my dad, I love sleeping. However, I also inherited Mom's OCD. I'm telling you, it's a terrible combination that presents quite a quandary in the morning.

Indulge me a bit if you will. I know I've been writing novels on here lately, but with not having to work another day between now and January 3rd, I have some time on my hands, and a nasty bit of insomnia. Paid vacation days rule.

I'm feeling pretty damn good right now. Not because I am hammered after my test, though it feels good to be done with econ professor, Dr. Evil.

No....today I am feeling thankful. Ash is asleep right now upstairs, and I am a little high on caffiene and adrenalin from the final, so I'm still up.

I'm feeling thankful because three years ago today, I took a my best friend out to dinner in Omaha and as we walked around the central park mall Christmas lights, I asked her to marry me. It was probably not the dream proposal she had imagined, as it was clumsy, teary, and a little corny (then again, I AM clumsy, and a little corny so it had to be expected), but I don't think the words I said or where I said them really mattered.

I won't bore you with romance and cheesyness that will either make you go eww or roll your eyes, but I'm a pretty lucky geek. I don't deserve her or the life I have with her. I'm just a tool that happened to get lucky.

I've gained more respect for that girl every day since that night, and she continues to amaze me with her drive, compassion, heart, integrity, respect and all the other adjectives I woudl add if I were actually wide awake.

One of my closer friends was telling me the other day that he envied me, because I am really just a tool, yet I have it all. Now, I don't really think I have it all, but I do have wonderful friends, a great family, and what I can only image are perfectly normal (and not the usual crazy) in-laws. My cousin Matt's inlwas are horrible....

So I guess that alone makes me feel pretty darn wealthy. To some people, that may not be worth a hill of beans -- but this is my hill, and these are my beans.

Wealth is not about shares of Microsoft, a high paycheck or how many bathrooms your house has. Wealth is not the type of car you drive or the clothes you wear.

And as I sit in our basement, with the cat curled up at my feet as I type, I feel tremendous good forture. Thanks to that lady upstairs, this is as good as it could ever get.

Well... I'm driving her up to Omaha on Thursday night for dinner at that same restaurant and a walk through that same park. And then walking across the street to see U2 rock the Qwest center will be Ok too.

Monday musings.

Well, the paper from hell is done and I am focusing on studying now. Tomorrow at this time, I'll be sitting in class taking the test. Then I will be drinkign heavily.

Hayley, Ash and I had a conversation yesterday that I have to clarify. I stated that I dislike girls like Ashley and Hayley that had all these guys interested in college and are interested in the guys in return....yet when the guy is finally given the chance, the girls lose interest. To clarify, I didn't mean to say I hate girls like that. But....when I think of how big of a tool I was with girls as a freshman or sphopmore in college, I know that I wasn't smooth or whatnot, but I knew I would treat them good and not try to impregnate withiin 4 minutes of the first date. That's why some of the good guys are so gun shy to approach you. The four girls I dated before Ash nearly made me want to give up women. Of course, a nympho, a bi-sexual lesbian, a one-night hook-up that never called me back and the women I call pure evil (mainly in jest) will do that for you. Which brings me to my next point.

Hayley, Julie, Lindzo, Mary, and Paul (switch all the he's to she's in this paragraph and you'll get the point).....Give the geeks a chance every so often. The dream boats and jocks will not treat you nearly as good as the occasional geek will. The hunky dudes will only hold on to you until something else catches their interest. They have so many opportunities, they take good girls for granted and don't knwo how to treat you ladies. Geeks on the other hand cherish the opportunity to spoil, care for and love a good girl that just givs them a chance. And you never know. The geek can grow up a lot from his freshman to senior year. Think about how much of an idiot you were three years ago and I rest my case. So all I'm saying is that you ladies struggling to find your dream guy may want to look at the guys you know will treat you like queens, make you feel special, and will cherish you. Most of the time they will grow up. So give a geek a chance. Ashley did, and I hope it turned out OK for her.

I'm bullish on the Steel and Oil market. Keep your eyes on Nucor (with a Norfolk NE plant) and Encana or Nexium.

I really like brownies.

Did you know pecans will lower your cholesterol?

I wore a baseball hat and jeans for 20 minutes when I stopped by the office today. that was neat.

I got more work done in that 20 minutes than I do in a regular day of work. Why is it when I have 300 things to do and limited time, i can get them done quicker than when I only have ten things to do all day long? A quandry indeed.

I suck at typing, and the tips of my fingers are numb from that darn paper.

I can taste the beer tomorrow night after the test. Mmmmmm.

You might be a nerd if you've ever gotten seriously injured in band class. As of yesterday, I became a true nerd when, during band class, I managed to gash the bridge of my nose deep enough to have to get it stitched up. You're probably wondering how exactly I accomplished this, so let me tell you.

It all began when the band was practicing a rendition of "Do You Hear What I Hear" and "Snow Bells" for our upcoming Christmas program. The trumpet section was having some difficulty with part of "Snow Bells," so Mrs. Wellman was working with us on it. All of the sudden she got all ticked off exclaiming, "The rest of the band shouldn't have to sit and wait quietly while you guys try to figure this out. Can't you practice outside of class? That's it. I've had enough. Go out in the hall and practice." Well, I was already ticked off at her because I almost had to get a tardy at the beginning of class because of her, so I shot back, "Fine. I don't want to be in here anyway." (I don't know exactly if she heard me or not, but I hope she did.) With that, I grabbed my trumpet, picked up my stand, and trooped out of the room with the rest of the first trumpets. (Don't confuse my being a first trumpet with actually being good at playing it. Keep in mind, we were being sent out in the hall because we basically suck!)

So, I get out in the hall, and I'm all pissed off, which probably hindered my ability to use my head...well, I did, sort of...oh just let me get on to it. I needed to raise my stand because we were going to be standing up. Well, this stand was one of the many half-broken, f**ked (see how mad I am, I'm cussing) up stands our school has, so I'm pulling on it, and it won't budge. Finally, I yank up on it as hard as I can, the whole top part flies off, slamming me on the bridge of my nose. In my frustration, I throw down the stand and turn around yelling, "Gosh darn it, guys. I just hit myself in the head with this stupid thing." I reach up to feel my nose, and I just feel this indention in my nose, so I think nothing of it until everyone gasps at the sight of my face. "Lindsey, you're going to bleed," "Oh my God!" "Are you okay?" "You need to go to the nurse." These are the responses I get, and I'm just all like, "What?"

So, one of my fellow trumpeters/flag co-captain ushers me off to the nurse. You have to understand this girl is as blond as they come, so she's freaking out asking me if I'm going to faint, while I'm just all, "I feel fine." Heck, I didn't even cry. That's right. I'm tough. Anyway, when I get to the nurses office and see this lovely gash on my face, I realize it is worse than I thought. The nurse tells me I probably need stitches, which is what really scares me because dang, that would hurt.

I then drove home, and Dad took me to the doctors, where luckily, he didn't have to stitch me up; he used some special glue called Durabond to patch me up. So, now I have a lovely little band-aid on my forhead instead. The bonus: it's Care Bears! Everyone at school made fun of me so bad. Don't worry. It didn't bother me. At least not as much as the thousands of times I got asked, "What happened?" That is so annoying. But really, I can't blame people for making fun of me. I mean, seriously. How many people actually get hurt in band?! By the time this is all over, I'm hoping I've started a new trend: the band-aid across the nose look. Heck, Nelly did it with the band-aid across his cheek. Why can't I?

My apologies. Yesterday was a wee bit busy with actual work and all. Plus, the two times I tried to log on, the site would never come up. So here it is, belated Monday musings:

• Last class tonight with the bastard-coated bastard of a professor. Last week, the guy tries to tell us that because of their increased efficiency, Wal Mart is the most ethical company ever to exist in the world. He also told us illegal immigrants are great for the economy and the like. That's what happens when you put on the glasses of only looking at one aspect like the economics and you ignore social implications completely. After this class, he may get a promotion in my book to Dr. Asshat Bastardfield.
• I hate snow drifting. Especially when it is too tall to hit with the hand-me-down snowblower. Can't wait to dig that out after class tonight.
• Fluctuating oil prices are really throwing consumer goods into an up-and-down loop. That said, I'd stick with something known like Johnson & Johnson or Proctor & Gamble.
• Today is my last chance to get Chipotle and torture Dr. Asshat. Due to the cold weather, I had to moisturize today. Therefore, as per previous blog, said activity is encouraged.
• I hate our athletics department. Tools.
• No good video clips this week. Sorry.

IT'S OFFICIAL! The Anderson reunion is going to happen, and everyone is coming! I booked the hotel rooms this morning, so start thinking of ideas for our wild New Year's Eve, heh heh. Should I look for the dreidel? :)

Hayley, please, pretty please, skip the wedding. New Year's Eve would not be the same if you ditched us.

As many of you know, I have a very "active" mind, if you will. What I mean by this is that basically I have really random thoughts that pop into my head. Most of the time I keep them to myself, but you all have the honor of knowing my random thoughts on this beautiful December day.

Random Thoughts (in the form of fun facts and observations made by yours truly)
P.S. Andy I realize that this may resemble your Monday musings; however, you haven't copyrighted this trend, so I shall muse myself and try to be as cool as you!

• Did you know that an authentic smile lasts only two seconds? After that it's a big fakeout!
• Did you know that when you mimic an emotional state (for example pretending to be mad when really you're happy) you use completely different facial muscles than the ones used when you express true anger?
• Did you know that in some countries it is polite to offer your wife to a houseguest? However, you can only offer her once, so after that watch out! (And by offering your wife I mean....well it's more than polite conversation.) Note to self: don't stumble upon that country with husband in the future.
• Fun tip: When you're down in the dumps or mad because a certain neighbor in the dorms is being a bizotch, try smiling. It'll actually make you feel much better!
• Cooking tip: don't try making chili soup with four cans of tomato paste, one can of tomato slices, bacon bits, and one can of beans. (Yes, I let boys cook for me and this is what I get. Good thing I made some stellar cinnamon rolls so I had something to eat!)
• And lastly, ladies you may enjoy this, if you go to the Mary Kay website (www.marykay.com) you can buy one product and get another half off! See your local Mary Kay dealer for more information!

Abbreviated monday musings. Since I am only working a half day today and the weather outside is frightful.

• I'm glad Nebraska won, but bowl games suck. We won't know where we're going until next week, and even so, I'll have to find about $20,000 in sponsorship dollars in three days. No pressure. I also won't know until next week whether or not I have to go, which may or may not pull me from the Des Moines trip. San Diego and San Antonio or Des Moines? Hmmm.
• Caffeine is the devil. I do this every time we eat at Valentino's. See, I had a pretty bad addiction to caffeine during high school and college. I'm quite proud that I have nearly kicked the habit and now only require one soda or glass of tea/coffee per day. But with all that pizza and the like, i get thirsty. The result, I was wired and up until about 3:30 last night. Bummer.
• Gross holiday fact. Between Valentino's, a night out at the Mac Grille with the wife, and thanksgiving stuffing, I gained 7 pounds until last night. After several trips to the bathroom with my Sports Illustrated to kill the time, I lost five of those pounds back. Impressive, huh?
• Got to say that the semiconductors market played right into my hands last month. Instead of buying stock in apple, why not buy stock in the processor company that builds the parts? That little jewel (CNXT) pocketed us a 17% gain in two weeks without worrying about the Apple (AAPL) bubble bursting!
• Only two more classes with the bastard-coated bastard of a professor with a creamy bastard center. This week we have to write an ethics paper, and he said it is OK to break the law if the law is stupid and counterproductive to your business. Grrr. So I guess Enron was completely ethical? What a tool. Can't wait for this class to be over.
• I have to pee now.
• An example of how hollywood can edit anything that you see in a movie trailer to make it seem totally different than what the movie is about. the lesson, never trust a trailer: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/bigtrailer.html

I am recovering from some shocking news one of my coworkers told me about five minutes ago. Hayley and Lindsey, brace yourselves: The Red Barn is becoming a strip joint.

The Red Barn is the tavern in Goehner where, as a child, I ordered many plates of grilled cheese and fries, which I washed down with a Shirley Temple. It's also the place where farmers stop for lunch, order an evening beer, and play cards. Dad has been a regular customer for at least 30 years. It's not an upscale place by any means, but the jukebox, the beer posters, and the red toilet seat in the ladies' room look downright classy compared to a stage filled with exotic dancers.

Happy Holidays, Andersons! I hope your Thanksgiving was a feast 'o plenty.

The cloudy, blustery, rainy weather put me in the holiday decorating mood. Despite declaring that he wanted nothing to do with decking the halls, Andy joined my decorating extravaganza. First, the $2 tree topper I bought during last year's clearance sales wouldn't stay on the tree because the topper was too top-heavy. Andy told me he would take care of it. Fifteen minutes and one power tool later, the star sat precariously on top of the tree.

After showing off his manly engineering skills, Andy went to the office, where he surfed weather.com and checked the progress of the impending snow storm. The real fun began when he returned to the living room to survey my progress. "The tree needs balls," he proclaimed. After finding the glass Christmas balls with other decorating rejects hidden in the guest room closet, Andy asked me whether I preferred the smaller ornaments or the larger ones.
Me: "I don't care. Whatever makes your holiday heart happy."
Him: "I like the big balls."

After a few minutes of helping Andy hang balls, I picked up two University of Nebraska ornaments.
Me: "Do we have to hang these?"
Him: "Hey, if we have to use your tacky shit, we have to use my tacky shit."
Fair enough.

Finally, it was time to hang our stockings. As I climbed onto a chair to reach the ledge, this conversation took place:
Andy: "STOP! You're taking Holiday Andy's job!"
Me: "I am?"
Andy: "Anything involving climbing is Holiday Andy's job!"

I'm making a mental note of that.

Ashley: On Saturday, we lovely ladies, along with Lindsey, headed to the local mall for manicures. Excited by how nice our nails looked, we trotted over to Trade Secret to peruse the nail products. I (Ashley) turned to Hayley and said, "Why didn’t they use any base coat for our manicures?" And Hayley, the wise beauty expert, told me that base coat is a racket. A sham. Unnecessary. I was shocked, because I’ve been using a base coat for years, probably because Seventeen told me to. In fact, according to Schnookums, base coat does not help a manicure because the chemicals emitted by your nails prevent the nail color from adhering to the nail. The polish only sticks to the base coat, meaning your mani won’t last as long. How rude.

We’re using this little lesson in beauty to announce a new, very special blog feature: beauty tips! We all love to be a little glam sometimes, and we’re here to help all of us make wise choices so we can be our naturally glamorous selves!

Hayley: Our second beauty tip deals with application of shimmers and sparkles with your makeup. I feel that this needs to be brought to our attention since many of us will be attending a holiday party in some shape or form. The rule of thumb with shimmer is to only apply it to TWO areas of the face. This means that if you want to make your eyes stand out more (by applying it especially to the brow bone area), then you may want to use a shimmery lip gloss to finish your look. Another area that deserves shimmer attention is the cheekbones. This is because you want the cheekbones to catch the light in an attractive way. Just make sure that you aren’t using shimmer on the eyes, cheeks, and lips or else you will end up looking like the disco ball above the dance floor!

Signed,
Your beauty gurus

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Oh my do I love the snow that's falling outside my window right now. They are the big fluffy sticky kind. I'll admit that I didn't believe the weather reports of snow forcasted for last night/early AM. I mean since when do those silly kids get this kind of thing right? Oops, that's kind of mean. What I mean is good effort! Anyway so in spite of the snow I can't help but be pushed to a new level of Christmas anticipation. I mean I LOVE the holidays! I'm one of those people that will start breaking out the decorations the day after Thanksgiving. But my biggest weekness is Christmas music. I understand that maybe I'm more prone to this since my life revolves around music and whatnot, but I can't get enough of the groovin' Christmas toons. So I'll be the first to admit that I am a Thanksgiving cheater. This means that even though I'm hardcore about my holidays, I must not skip over one to begin another. Well right now I'm cheating because I'm listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack. (My excuse is that even though it is Christmas, it has more of the mellow, slow jazz that I love!) Lame excuses I know. So please fellow relatives, forgive me for passing up Thanksgiving for 40 minutes and 24 seconds!

Monday musings:

• Graduate term papers. Why. Why would any professor assign this garbage. Do they really want to read 50 students' 20-page papers? That's 1,000 pages of the same repetitive garbage page after page after page. Part of me wonders if they even get read as much as they just get glanced at.
• The Canadian oil market is really starting to get its legs back, and the timing couldn't be better for the market as a whole.
• You are giving your neighbors permission to egg your house if you have Christmas lights turned on before Thanksgiving. It is perfectly acceptable to have them hung and ready to go at this time of year, but for pete's sake....just leave them off until turkey day.
• I've never really liked yams.
• Enjoy Penn State's mascot doing his Napolean impression: http://college.break.com/articles/mascotdyno.html

Ok, so I got busy on Monday and couldn't do my regular rant. So here is Tuesday's random thoughts.

• I have a theory. I am seeing way too many frat guys and even a guy or two in my circle of friends taking this "metrosexual" thing too far. Plucking eyebrows, using product, etc. Anyway, as winter nears, the air and my skin will get dry (shut up Paul and Cole -- getting older sucks). To make up for using moisturizer and other things I call "girly," men need to over-react in the masculine sense to balance the scales. So it is my theory that for using said product to keep my skin baby-ass soft, I need to spend more time with power tools, watching football, breaking wind or grilling meat. Discuss.
• The Asian markets are rallying nicely right now.
• This semester is quite possibly the worst class I've ever taken. Not only is the professor a bastard-coated bastard with creamy bastard filling, now he is deviating from the syllabus and description of the class into his speciality area of economics. And what a coincidence, he wrote the textbook for the class. I always thought it would be cool to have a teacher that wrote a textbook, thinking they would be way smart. Au contraire -- turns out the professor doesn't really know anything except what is in the book and the sad part is the book is only supposed to cover about 1/4 of what the class is about. I'm still pulling and A in there so far, but I cannot wait for this one to be over. Bastard.
• Talked to a former roommate now living in banjo-country Tennessee. Good talk. Short story is he moved down there with his wife and baby, but they just got a divorce. (He is better off.) The sad part is he is 1,000 times the parent that the mother is, but the mom gets custody only because she has ovaries and is nearly engaged to a guy near 40 who has already had three marriages and a handful of his own kids. Hope it works out for the guy -- but crap like that really makes me cherish the lady I have. (Girls, collective "awwwww.")
• I don't know what is sadder. The fact that our football team sucks so bad, or the fact that we haven't received a single alumni compaliant about football yet this season.
• I love bagels.
• I also love Chipotle. Hmm, maybe I'll go there for lunch, and then sit in the front row of class tonight and reclaim my masculinity by farting all class long right in the professor's lecturing space. Maybe we'd get out early.

Are we getting together for Christmas?

I know this is kind of short, but it's the memory I want to write about. I remember when Grandma and Grandpa would come up to our house to watch fireworks on the 4th of July. Grandma loved to watch the boys fire them off, and when there was a really neat one, she would exclaim, "That was a doozy!" That was always the best part about the 4th.

What I learned while at FFA National Convention in Louisville, Kentucky

1. Even when you think your in the "nice" area of St. Louis (we stopped there on the way) you still will see gangs; homeless people begging, sleeping on park benches, and singing to you; and numerous cars that aren't going to stop for you even if you're still crossing the street.

2. The St. Louis Arch is not brown like you once thought when you saw it in nighttime photos; it is welded together with shiny silver metal.

3. Six Flags theme park has found many ways of strapping you into roller coasters, including standing up and hanging from the roller coaster track. Both of them are awesome unless you're a guy and you get racked from all the twists and turns while standing up.

4. People from Arkansas have the thickest southern accent ever. They don't say "you guys", instead they say "yearns." Example: Instead of saying, "Where are you guys from?", they say, "Where yearns from?" Imagine that with a southern accent. Also, roads are not numbered there; they have names like "Opossum Trout Road." That is NOT an exaggeration, it is for real.

5. When you go to a racetrack, say Keeneland for example, expect to see A LOT of rich people. Little skinny blondes dressed in the latest fashions, 40+ women in fur, and 3-year-old little boys in khakis, a little sports jacket, and a little old-fashioned looking hat. They will also come with $40,000 in their pockets and make it sound like they're going cheap that day.

6. Don't let anyone tell you differently. No matter how many times you tell yourself, "It's not real. It's all fake," you will still be scared shitless and scream thousands of times in a made-up Halloween Haunted House.

7. No matter how new or nice a charter bus is, you still aren't going to be able to get comfortable, let alone sleep, on the 12 hour bus trip home.